Is DETERMINATION the key to my personal style?
& if it is, I just hope I have enough.
Have you ever had moments where you feel so confident in your personal style, only to leave the house and see someone looking amazing in a totally different aesthetic which triggers the “Omg I want that” response?
Or is it just me?
I had this exact experience the other day. I was wearing an outfit that I LOVED, wearing my wide leg jeans that feel more me than anything I’ve put on. I then saw someone else wearing an outfit with a perfectly fitting slim pair of jeans and immediately the thoughts started: “Am I too sloppy looking in my wide leg jeans? Should I be wearing a slimmer straight-leg pant? Am I unprofessional for dressing this way?!”.
Logically, I know this is crazy. I’ve TRIED those styles and they don’t look the same on me, and frankly, I don’t actually feel like that style is me at all! And I know I LOVE the outfit I was wearing! So what the F%@$ is that feeling about?
It made me realize - do I have the blueprint for my personal style, but lack the conviction to really stay true to it? Has THIS been the problem? Is it less about finding what I like and more about just sticking to the plan?
#1 - Making this a conscious process is major progress
In the past, I would have allowed this feeling to send me off on a mission to find “more professional work-appropriate clothing”. I’d mute my personal style voice while I frantically scrolled through straight leg jeans and quiet luxury inspiration on social media until I had convinced myself I wanted this. In my lower moments, I would have even allowed that to cause me to take action, placing an order from Aritzia or some other store that sells “work clothes”
What I do now: I noticed what was happening, had the “oh shit I need new clothes” moment, and immediately followed that with “wait, no I don’t even like that”.
#2 - Finding people who inspire me who have a similar style and lifestyle is helpful
While part of my style journey has meant actually spending more time putting together my own outfits, rather than just recreating what I see on Pinterest, I still love to be inspired by other amazing styles whether that’s online or in person.
While it can be hard to curate what you see in-person, I do believe that if you want to avoid distraction and comparison when finding your authentic style, it can be helpful to carefully curate what you’re consuming online.
What I do now: It’s not just about removing the sources of inspiration that aren’t helpful or aligned with your style, but rather I’ve found that it’s more about finding those “reminders” that help you stick to your vision when your resolve is wavering. These are the accounts I go do when I want to realign and reaffirm the way that I want to show up in the world.
Pro tip: when you can be your own inspiration by looking back at old outfits to gain conviction, you know you’re there.
Some of my go-to’s for style affirmation:
#3 - Remembering how I felt in my favourite outfit
I’m sure we all can remember the difference between how we feel in an outfit that aligns with our style vs one that feels like someone else’s clothes.
Reflecting on past outfits - yes, even the bad ones - can be extremely helpful when I’m feeling confused and distracted. It allows me to call back to the times where I tried to dress like someone I was not, and allows me to remember that it did not feel (or frankly, look) very good.
Conversely, remembering how fucking amazing I feel when I dress in a way that’s aligned with my personal style is one of the best motivators to sticking to the plan so to speak when it comes to style.
What I do now: taking photos of my outfits helps a lot because it allows me to actually see visual evidence of an outfit I felt great in.
#4 - Allowing myself to appreciate our differences
I love that we don’t all look the same. I actually don’t think I want everyone around me to be wearing the same thing - I’m not sure it would feel as special anymore.
While we all want to fit in, being able to appreciate someone else’s style, while knowing wholeheartedly that I would never wear it, is a treat. And it’s also an essential skill - it’s unrealistic to think you can curate what you see to the point where you’re never exposed to other styles, so having the tools to decide whether or not something is for you is so important.
What I do now: analyze what it is about an image or an outfit that I love. Is it the specific silhouette? The colour? The person’s hair or makeup? Once I know what I’m drawn to, I ask myself “would I actually want to wear this, or do I just like it on her?”. It’s not foolproof, but it helps.
So at the risk of sounding overly cheesy (although why is that a bad thing? That sounds delicious?) if you love what you’re wearing - just stick to it, I think that’s half the battle.
That’s all - it’s a short one but was one of those passing thoughts that turned into a deeper reflection that I think is useful for me - I hope it might be useful for you too. xx
For what its worth, your style is SO COOL!
Your point about creating your own outfits instead of just recreating what you see on Pinterest is so true. I’ve started to consider the vibe of the outfit instead of the exact pieces. Most of the time I don’t have the same proportions as the inspo pic so when I recreate the look something is off.